couples counseling
Couples Counseling
By: Courtney Garcia-Echeverria
Relationships/Couples Counseling
Here’s one thing that we all know- Relationships are challenging! Being able to love, embrace your partner’s differences, and accept your partner for who they truly are can sometimes be a test of strength. So, is it even possible to have a relationship without feeling like you are occasionally drowning? Of course there is! If you’re thinking about couples counseling, chances are that you can resonate with what you just read on a deeper level. This article will inform you about what couples counseling is, some common problems that couples have, and how couples counseling can help you through them.
What is couples counseling?
Couples counseling is a form of psychotherapy. This form of psychotherapy is focused on improving and rebuilding your relationship. As said by Brian Mueller, PhD, “Couples therapy can address a wide range of relationship issues, including recurring conflicts, feelings of disconnection, an affair, issues related to sex, or difficulties due to external stressors.” Couples therapy can help anyone- regardless of sex, race, stage in relationship, faith, or marital status.
Common problems that couples face and how counseling can help
Many people struggle with problems in their relationship. The following are some common problems that couples come into couples counseling for:
- Communication issues
- Communication issues can come in the forms of arguing,disagreements, placing blame on each other, or completely avoiding each other. Sometimes, either party in the relationship can be struggling to find the words to express their feelings. When there is misunderstanding, it may be hard to talk to each other openly. Couples therapy can help by teaching skills to both parties on how to effectively communicate.
- Emotional distance
- One of our most important needs are emotional needs.Feeling comfortable, secure, loved, safe, and attached to your partner are all needs that need to be met when talking about healthy emotional needs. Do you feel less intimate with your partner? Alone? Are you being misunderstood? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might be experiencing emotional distance. Couples counseling can help this. In couples counseling, we pinpoint the emotional needs that are important to you and your partner, and we establish ways to meet those needs for each other.
- Affairs and infidelity
- The weight that gets carried in a relationship when cheating and affairs are involved is one of the hardest to overcome. If you don’t know the underlying cause of the behavior, the process will be a struggle. We would need to stop the cheating and begin honest, safe communication skills. Once the cause of infidelity has been identified, the process of rebuilding trust and healing can move forward. Counseling can help with learning to communicate, accept, and heal within the relationship.
- Significant life events
- Significant life events can take a toll on a relationship. This can include getting married, having a baby, moving towns, major career changes, and losing a loved one. When your life is changing course, while there may be moments of excitement, there also may be moments of high stress. This can lead to frequent conflicts and misunderstandings. Counseling is able to help with this by teaching conflict resolution skills.
- Intimacy Issues
- It is important to analyze physical attraction and emotional attraction to your partner. If you don’t feel as close as you once were to your partner, you may put yourself in the category of having intimacy issues. Intimacy, or how close we feel to our partner, is extremely important in romantic relationships. Feeling an emotional disconnect can cause you to feel distant, and therefore create a lack of intimacy. Counseling can help with this by getting to the core reasons of why you fell in love with your partner and help reconnect to them.
- Overcoming trauma
- If you’ve experienced life events that have been traumatic, you or your partner might suffer from PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). When it comes to the symptoms of PTSD alone, they can be difficult to navigate for the person experiencing them , and for their partner. If you have trouble navigating your daily battles because of trauma, counseling will be beneficial to you. Counseling can help couples in this by giving psychoeducation on PTSD, navigating how to deal with the symptoms of PTSD for both the person and partner, and how to deal with daily stress.
Where can I start?
Simply put, you do not have to go through this alone. If you feel that couples counseling can be beneficial to you and your partner, reach out to your therapist. There is often a solution to your problems and your therapist can help navigate you to that path. Help is always available whenever you’re ready.
References
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Reflective Listening
- Reflective listening is a specific type of couple’s technique which helps partners work on their communication skills.
- It is a healthy way for partners to communicate while maintaining a safe environment.
- Each person takes a turn being an active listener, which gives the other partner an opportunity to speak freely.
- Reflective listening also helps couples rephrase statements.
Narrative Therapy
- This therapy technique involves both partners describing their relationship problems in a narrative form.
- The goal is to help couples see that one single story does not define an entire experience with one another.
- This is helpful when both partners are having trouble accepting responsibility or take on too much responsibility for problems in the relationship.
Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT)
- Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) is an evidence-based psychotherapy approach that focuses on adult relationships and how they follow patterns and cycles.
- EFT helps identify destructive patterns in a relationship.
- EFT encourages awareness, acceptance, expression, utilization, regulation, and transformation of emotions.
- The goal of EFT with couples is to establish a “secure attachment.” This provides each partner with a sense of security, protection, and comfort with one another.
Gottman Method
- This therapy method helps couples have a deeper understanding of one another, especially during times of conflict.
- Gives couples specific problem-solving skills.
- Enhances intimacy and friendship between partners.
Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT)
- Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT) helps couples identify what childhood experiences created an impact in their adult relationships. IRT can help uncover the reasons for commitment issues or relationship anxiety.
- With an exploration of these childhood traumas, IRT can help couples become more understanding and empathetic toward one another.
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