For a moment, think back to the last big decision you made and how you decided on it. Think about the options you had when making this decision.
“How did that decision shape you and the things you value?”
Values are the core of the decisions you make; they guide us to live a meaningful life. Here’s a quick challenge:
What values would make it into your rulebook right now? Rank them from least important to most important. What’s sitting at the number one today? Think of values as a personal rulebook that sets the standards for how you want to live your life and how you function in relationships with family, friends, and co-workers, as well as how you talk to yourself, which affects your thoughts, behaviors, and motivation. Whether consciously or unconsciously, values are a part of our everyday lives. They provide direction and help us understand who we are and who we want to be.
Check out some other examples of values:
- Curiosity: being open to new experiences
- Balance: attempting to balance different roles, needs, and responsibilities
- Optimism: maintaining a positive outlook on the future
- Adventure: seeking out new, unique, and exciting experiences
- Spirituality: having a sense of belief in and connection to something greater than oneself
- Inclusion: having a desire to make everyone feel welcomed and empowered to contribute
- Loyalty: committing to support, defend, and stand by an individual or goal
- Learning: gaining new knowledge and applying it within one’s life
Now, values are not set in stone. They can change as you add to or remove from your personal rulebook. You can even change their importance depending on the stage of life you are in or the context of a situation. For example, courage, safety, and fairness may rank at the top if you are a first responder on shift. However, when you return home, self-care, intimacy, and love may take priority. As you grow by observing and reflecting on your experiences in different environments, it is normal for your values to change.
Research shows that values form through these experiences throughout life, including teachings from youth, society’s expectations, and self-concept. Some familiar values focus on the well-being of others, such as empathy, generosity, kindness, and compassion, and others focus on your own well-being, such as happiness, freedom, self-acceptance, and integrity.
Paying attention to your values also builds something therapists call psychological flexibility—the ability to stay present when things get hard and still move in the direction that matters to you. This idea is central to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), an approach developed by psychologist Steven C. Hayes.
While therapy can be a starting point and a place to check in on meaningful change, you must use the skills outside the therapy space. Here are some tips to keep in mind between your couch time to continue encouraging your growth toward living through your values:
- Stop and reflect on the values you are holding yourself to today.
- Before deciding, ask yourself, “How does this align with me?”
- Engage in activities that align with your values.
- When setting goals, ask yourself, “What is the underlying value behind this goal?”
Values can be stepping stones toward finding and remaining connected to our true selves. If you were able to take the opportunity to reflect on and identify your values through today’s challenge, I hope to continue challenging you to reflect on and check in with your values throughout every step of your life’s journey. Every new environment and decision provides an opportunity to grow, learn, and feel more connected to us.